Resist the Urge, Alec, Resist the Urge!

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“Resist the urge, Alec, resist the urge,” Simon said.

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Some of Simon and Jace’s Funniest Quotes.

“Enough, both of you,’ Clary said. ‘You can’t be complete jerks to each other forever, you know.’

Technically,’ said Simon, ‘I can.’

Jace made an inelegant noise; after a moment Clary realized that he was trying not to laugh, and only semi-succeeding.”

-Jace and Simon and Clary.

 

“Look, I asked you here for a reason. Much as I hate to admit it, vampire, we have something in common.”
“Totally awesome hair?” Simon suggested.”

-Jace/Simon.

 

“Isabelle and Sebastian? Hardly. Sebastian’s a nice guy – Isabelle only likes dating thoroughly inappropriate boys our parents will hate. Mundanes, Downworlders, petty crooks…”
“Thanks,” Simon said. “I’m glad to be classed with the criminal element.”
-Jace and Simon.
“I’m glad you think this is funny.”
“You’re not happy to see me, then?” Jace asked. “I have to say, I’m surprised. I’ve always been told my presence brightened up any room. One might think that went doubly for dank underground cells.”
-Simon and Jace.

Best Malec City of Glass Moments.

“I didn’t call you because I’m tired of you only wanting me around when you need something. I’m tired of watching you be in love with someone else – someone, incidentally, who will never love you back. Not the way I do.”

-Magnus to Alec, CoG.

“If you’re texting Magnus to say ‘I think u r kewl,’ I’m going to kill you.”
“Who’s Magnus?” Max inquired.
“He’s a warlock,” said Alec.
“A sexy, sexy warlock,” Isabelle told Max, ignoring Alec’s look of total fury.
“But warlocks are bad,” protested Max, looking baffled.
“Exactly,” said Isabelle.”

-Izzy, Alec, and Max, CoG.

“But-” Maia, still looking at Alec and Magnus, broke off and rasied her eyebrows. Simon turned to see what she was looking at – and stared.
Alec had his arms around Magnus and was kissing him full on the mouth. Magnus, who appeared to be in a state of shock, stood frozen. Several groups of people – Shadowhunters and Downworlders alike – were staring and whispering. Glancing to the side, Simon saw the Lightwoods, their eyes widen, gaping at the display. Maryse had her hand over her mouth.
Maia looked perplexed. “Wait a second,” she said. “Do we all have to do that, too?”
-Maia, in response to The Kiss- you know, the famous awesome CoG kiss by Malec!!!
“You never called me back,” he said. “I called you so many times and you never called me back.”
Magnus looked at Alec as if he’d lost his mind. “Your city is under attack,” he said. “The wards have been broken, and the streets are full of demons. And you want to know why I haven’t called you?
Alec set his jaw in a stubborn line. “I want to know why you haven’t called me back.
Magnus threw his hands up in the air in a gesture of utter exasperation. Alec noted with interest that when he did it, a few sparks escaped from his fingertips, like fireflies escaping from a jar. “You’re an idiot.”
“Is that why you haven’t called me? Because I’m an idiot?”
“No.” Magnus strode toward him. “I didn’t call you because I’m tired of you only wanting me around when you need something. I’m tired of watching you be in love with someone else – someone, incidentally, who will never love you back. Not the way I do.”
“You love me?”
“You stupid Nephilim,” Magnus said patiently. “Why else am I here? Why else would I have spent the past few weeks patching up all your moronic friends every time they got hurt? And getting you out of every ridiculous situation you found yourself in? Not to mention helping you win a battle against Valentine. And all completely free of charge!”
-Alec and Magnus, CoG.

Eight of the Funniest City of Lost Souls Quotes. (Spoilers, obviously.)

“I’ve got the Mark of Cain,” said Simon. “That means nothing can kill me, right?”
“You can kill yourself,” Magnus said, somewhat unhelpfully. “As far as I know, inanimate objects can accidentally kill you. So if you were planning on teaching yourself the lambada on a greased platform over a pit full of knives, I wouldn’t.”
“There goes my Saturday.”

-Simon and Magnus, CoLS.

“Take off your shirt.”
Jace raised his eyebrows.
“I’m not going to attack you,” she said impatiently. “I can take the sight of your naked chest without swooning.”
“Are you sure?” he asked, obediently sliding the shirt off his shoulders. “Because viewing my naked chest has caused many women to seriously injure themselves stampeding to get to me.”

-Jace-who-wasn’t-Jace and Clary, CoLS.

“Church was doing what he often did when dropped – lying on his back with all four legs in the air, pretending to be dead in order to induce guilt in his owners.”

-Someone…I forget..Alec?…Simon?…

“Get over here. Sheldon’s had an idea.”
“Who’s Sheldon?”, said Isabelle.”

-Magnus and Izzy.

“I have a feeling you’re right, Sherwin.”
‘Simon. My name is Simon.”

-Magnus and Simon.

“Magnus’s eyes went back to Alec. They were gold-green, as unreadable as the eyes of the cat he held on his lap. “Not my favorite topic, Smedley.”

“Simon,” said Simon. “If I’m going to die for you all, the least you could do is remember my name.”

-Magnus and Simon. (Yet again.)

“Do you remember what I told you that first time at Taki’s? About faerie food?”
“I remember you said you ran down Madison Avenue naked with antlers on your head”, said Clary, blinking silver drops off her lashes.”

Jace-who-wasn’t-Jace and Clary.

“Though Alec had never seen the occupants of the first floor loft, they seemed to be engaged in a tempestuous romance. Once there had been a bunch of someone’s belongings strewn all over the landing with a note attached to a jacket lapel addressed to “A lying liar who lies.” Right now there was a bouquet of flowers taped to the door with a card tucked among the blooms that read I’M SORRY. That was the thing about New York: you always knew more about your neighbors’ business than you wanted to.”

-Alec.

 

I couldn’t stop laughing at these, especially the, “Who’s Sheldon?” Isabelle said.